Parenting trauma can be so lonely.

Tonight was a lonely parenting moment for me. I took my kids to a roller skating party and there were quite a few adopted children there. (Families I know of, but not friends with.) Mr. Screech was the only one screaming, "I hate you and I will not go home with you!" when it was time to go. Suck! Suck! and Suck! 


It was sucking me into depression, but after chatting with GB's Mom we concluded that Hope would be screaming right along with Mr. Screech. I imagined both of us chatting and laughing about our kids and their ridiculous fits. I don't feel as lonely anymore.


So, thank you GB's Mom for being such a fabulous SOUL sister and I can't wait to hug your neck in Orlando. Only 102 days! 

The Drama of Handwriting

For our school curriculum, we have been using the school books, that were sent home with Mr. Stinky, since we already paid for them. We had a 1 week honeymoon period where he got his work done in about 2 hours and ever since he screams, cries and carries on about his language arts, writing and spelling. For the life of me, I could not figure out why copying some words were so difficult, but using his brain to do math was so easy for him. It was so bad we went on Christmas break early.

We were at a friend's house on Thursday, who homeschools too, and I was telling her my woes. Her youngest has the same issue when it comes to handwriting, so she spoke to a teacher of 30 years about it. The teacher explained that it takes 4 processing steps to write something compared to 2 processing steps to spell the word out loud. Who knew it was a processing thing all along?!!! The teacher's advice is to let it go until they are ready. Until then have them start on a typing program.

I am currently looking for a good typing program if anyone has advice. The only one I know of is Mavis Beacon. Any other suggestions out there?

We are now following the reading list on Sonlight for 1st grade and preschool and waiting on our Math U See to get here. I have put the public school curriculum away and the tears have subsided. Now, I snuggle on the couch reading  to my boys for school. They love it and we are bonding while learning.

Tantrums Q & A

Molly wrote: "So basically when the boys start to tantrum, you get excited about their fit and they stop? I must try this with 6 yr old. I am tired of the fits and tantrums."


Yes, we either invite the tantrum before it happens or we get excited when we see it starting. 


For example, when we see it start we say, "Oh goody!! A tantrum! I was hoping you would do one today!"  The tone of the voice is happy and joyful. It will not work if you are sarcastic, but be ready because sometimes they choose to throw a fit anyways. 


If we are running a few errands I will ask, "Do you want to throw your tantrum today at the library or Meijer?" Typically, we are tantrum free. 


When our children tantrum at home they make it a point to try and destroy things. If I yell at them to stop they see the "thing" as precious to me so they will continue to destroy it or next tantrum it is what they will go to. 


What stops my kids in their tracks is saying, "Well, if you really want to spend all your money on a new (couch, tv, etc) go ahead and break it. I bet you would have to do a lot of chores to pay for that."  The tone is empathic/sad. If you use a snarky tone they will not stop. Literally, think about how SAD it will be for your kids to have to do so many chores and miss out on playing. 


Here is a great post from our therapist that has more ideas for managing the meltdowns:
Managing Your Adoptee's Meltdowns in Public and at Home