A crappy moment ended well.

Our church has an indoor play area and we always let the boys play after church. I heard Mr. Screech say loudly, "Baby bottom!!!" and I found him quickly and said, "We do not call people baby bottom." I had barely gotten it out before he went into a full on meltdown rage. I was shocked and did not expect it! 

I took him to the bathroom, to remove him from the chaos, and asked him what was going on. He was still raging and throwing his fists up at me so I turned his back to me and wrapped his arms around himself in a bear hug hold. He started getting more violent so I sat on the floor (eeeewwww!!!) with my legs wrapped over his and his arms bear hugging himself.

S: Let me GO!

Me: I'll let you go when you are calm.

(Repeat a lot)

S: I hate you!

Me: That's ok. I have enough love for the both of us.

S: Let me go!

Me: I will let you go when you are calm. Pinching me is not going to make me let go. 

S: I hate you and I don't want you to be my mommy! 

Me: You don't have to like me, but the judge in Russia decided I would be your mommy so I will always be your mommy.

S: Let me go!

Me: I will let you go when you are calm. I need you to use your big boy words and tell me what is going on. Clearly you are having a very big feeling.

S screams: I am so mad at you! You are such a mean mommy.

Me: I don't understand why you are so mad at me. I told you not to call someone baby bottom.

S: (Tried to tell me what the problem was, but was screaming it so loud I could not understand.)

Me: I need you to calm down and use your big boy words.

After much dialog like this he finally calmed and I turned him around to face me. He was still mad, but finally told me that in his class Mr. Happy had broken the ship he had built twice and was still being mean to him in the play area. I told him, "Thank you for telling me so I can take care if it." I also assured him I would put them in separate classes so Mr. Happy couldn't bug him anymore.

When we were walking out of the bathroom there was a security lady standing and waiting. I think she was waiting because I'm sure someone thought I was doing him harm, but she said, "I want to give you a hug. What you are doing is hard, but you are doing such a good job. Thank you."  Holy crap! I was floored and she made me cry. 

I have stopped worrying what everyone around me thinks about my parenting, but it was so nice to get a compliment. 

Mr. Happy had neurofeedback yesterday so he is very alert and not in his dis-associative fog. When he is alert he does more stick-poking and mean things to try and project his feelings onto others. It works well, but I need to address it more. It's never ending...

Getting my homemaker mojo back!

Today, I made French baguettes, scones, truffles and rum cake and it felt so good! I love to cook and bake, but Mr. Screech has robbed me of it for the past 31/2 years. I can barely drag my butt into the kitchen to make them some half assed dinner most evenings and then when they go to bed I flop on the couch exhausted. It has gotten better over time, but today was just awesome! 

I plugged them into the tv and let them play on their own without too many issues. I stayed in my PJ's all day and got it done. I'm sure tomorrow I'll pay like crazy for it, but I'm enjoying today!

Creative Answers

We took the boys to a Mexican restaurant after church yesterday. In the kids meals you could get:
Taco with rice and beans
Burrito with rice and beans
Burrito and taco

Mr. Happy and Mr. Stinky picked a burrito with rice and beans and Mr. Screech picked burrito and taco and he knew there were no rice and beans. About a minute before the food came out he started whining that he wanted beans and rice and I explained again that they did not come with his so he started saying, "But what is my side?" and I knew a tantrum was about to erupt. The Mr. saved the day by saying, "The chips are your side."  We are trying to think more outside the box with our answers these days.

Thanksgiving Day Second Half

I got all my crying out before Dad and C got here, so the rest of my day was fine. A family friend called me after they left and we got to chat and remember some of the good times with mom, back in the day.

Mr. Screech is pretty triggered right now. He is tantruming over everything and being very irrational. Our therapist had previously said he and Mr. Happy would notice mom gone more around the holidays, so maybe that is part of the problem on top of the normal holiday triggers. Several times through out the day he says, "I miss grandma."

Right after finding out my Dad and C were getting married Mr. Stinky wanted to call "C" grandma. It kinda got to me because I felt like he was trying to cover up his feelings and move on quickly. He started calling her Grandma C, but now he has switched to calling her by name and I'm not sure why. Mr. Stinky has been dealing with a lot of anger flare up here lately. Good times.

Thanksgiving Day

This is my first Thanksgiving without my mom and I have so much to be grateful for, but wow do I miss her. Compounded by missing her I am so hurt by my family. It should be a day of being with family, remembering the good times with my mom and having a good time, but they are all having their own Thanksgivings and I was not invited and neither was my dad and his new wife. I know why they were not invited, but I can't figure out why I wasn't so dad and C are coming to our house for Thanksgiving.

When my dad got married my aunt and sister kept talking about all of us sticking together and being there for each other. Where are they today? Not sticking with me. I am a boohooing mess and feeling so alone. Suck! Suck! and more Suck!

I think Mr. Stinky is missing his grandma too because he is a mad mess. Good times and Happy frieking Thanksgiving everyone!

Parenting trauma can be so lonely.

Tonight was a lonely parenting moment for me. I took my kids to a roller skating party and there were quite a few adopted children there. (Families I know of, but not friends with.) Mr. Screech was the only one screaming, "I hate you and I will not go home with you!" when it was time to go. Suck! Suck! and Suck! 


It was sucking me into depression, but after chatting with GB's Mom we concluded that Hope would be screaming right along with Mr. Screech. I imagined both of us chatting and laughing about our kids and their ridiculous fits. I don't feel as lonely anymore.


So, thank you GB's Mom for being such a fabulous SOUL sister and I can't wait to hug your neck in Orlando. Only 102 days! 

They did great!

To update my last post, the boys did great staying the night with Grandma P and Grandpa J. The boys got spoiled to death and had a wonderful time. I enjoyed my evening out and being able to sleep in and wake up on my own time. Yay for awesome Grandma's and Grandpa's and I'm even more grateful because Grandma P didn't have to. She has been so kind to fill in for my mom.