Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Finally, a grief therapist

I was able to get in touch with a Hospice grief counselor today and I was giving a little background of my kids. That they have attachment issues and the loss of their grandmother is more devastating than what a bio-attached kid might feel, etc. She said she would need to talk to a supervisor before seeing my kids because "they might become attached to her."  "...I'm trained to know about attachment issues." Oh how I had to keep my mouth shut and not school her right there about attachment issues!

Uh, am I missing something here? Is she completely confused about an attachment disorder? I told her I was confused and asked how they would "become attached to her" and she said because she would be counseling them one on one. I sweetly explained that they would not be there with her by themselves. I would be there at all times.

On a good note she can see me on Monday and I'm excited because I know I have displaced anger. Recently, I've turned into a mom with a short temper and I'm quick to yell and get aggravated instead of staying calm and handling things therapeutically. Yes, I have once again lost my therapeutic panties.

Does her statement seem strange to any of you or do I not get attachment disorders?

Monday, August 8, 2011

I'd rather be in bed with the pillow over my head!

But I'm going to blog instead. I have tried to write a post so many times and just can't do it. Depression is swallowing me and it sucks! I want to run away to where ever my other Trauma Mama friends are so I can just be surrounded by people who get it.

As you all know, my mom pass away March 10th, which is only 5 months ago, and now my dad is already engaged and will be getting married in October. This is so hard to process because they had a great marriage and it seems like he is just sweeping her memory away.

I decided I would talk to him about it instead of stewing and being mad at him, but that hasn't worked either. On Wednesday, he very sweetly and kindly, told me he has worked through his grief and it is at a faster pace than all of us and we just need to catch up. What I can't get him to understand is that I am processing grief for four of us and it does take time. I have been trying to get a hold of Hospice to help with grief counseling and I can't get the local place to call me back. Suck!

I am trying to feel compassionate towards my dad, because obviously he can't stand to be alone, but I am struggling with feelings of betrayal and being so mad because it is another instance of family not "getting" my kids and what they need. I cried and pleaded with him to wait because my mom had told him to before she died, because I need more time and because my kids need more time. Once again, only my mom "got it" and she is gone.

We will have to go to Cleveland for therapy twice this year plus I need to see my therapist so I have decided my dad will be paying the bills since he says, "We need to work through our grief faster." Can't wait to drop those bills off to him. Maybe he will "get it" then?