Monday, August 8, 2011

I'd rather be in bed with the pillow over my head!

But I'm going to blog instead. I have tried to write a post so many times and just can't do it. Depression is swallowing me and it sucks! I want to run away to where ever my other Trauma Mama friends are so I can just be surrounded by people who get it.

As you all know, my mom pass away March 10th, which is only 5 months ago, and now my dad is already engaged and will be getting married in October. This is so hard to process because they had a great marriage and it seems like he is just sweeping her memory away.

I decided I would talk to him about it instead of stewing and being mad at him, but that hasn't worked either. On Wednesday, he very sweetly and kindly, told me he has worked through his grief and it is at a faster pace than all of us and we just need to catch up. What I can't get him to understand is that I am processing grief for four of us and it does take time. I have been trying to get a hold of Hospice to help with grief counseling and I can't get the local place to call me back. Suck!

I am trying to feel compassionate towards my dad, because obviously he can't stand to be alone, but I am struggling with feelings of betrayal and being so mad because it is another instance of family not "getting" my kids and what they need. I cried and pleaded with him to wait because my mom had told him to before she died, because I need more time and because my kids need more time. Once again, only my mom "got it" and she is gone.

We will have to go to Cleveland for therapy twice this year plus I need to see my therapist so I have decided my dad will be paying the bills since he says, "We need to work through our grief faster." Can't wait to drop those bills off to him. Maybe he will "get it" then?

1 comment:

Integrity Singer said...

wow, how can this be that he's marrying so soon? oh, that worries me! And my heart breaks for you.