Sunday, January 8, 2012

A crappy moment ended well.

Our church has an indoor play area and we always let the boys play after church. I heard Mr. Screech say loudly, "Baby bottom!!!" and I found him quickly and said, "We do not call people baby bottom." I had barely gotten it out before he went into a full on meltdown rage. I was shocked and did not expect it! 

I took him to the bathroom, to remove him from the chaos, and asked him what was going on. He was still raging and throwing his fists up at me so I turned his back to me and wrapped his arms around himself in a bear hug hold. He started getting more violent so I sat on the floor (eeeewwww!!!) with my legs wrapped over his and his arms bear hugging himself.

S: Let me GO!
Me: I'll let you go when you are calm.
(Repeat a lot)
S: I hate you!
Me: That's ok. I have enough love for the both of us.
S: Let me go!
Me: I will let you go when you are calm. Pinching me is not going to make me let go. 
S: I hate you and I don't want you to be my mommy! 
Me: You don't have to like me, but the judge in Russia decided I would be your mommy so I will always be your mommy.
S: Let me go!
Me: I will let you go when you are calm. I need you to use your big boy words and tell me what is going on. Clearly you are having a very big feeling.
S screams: I am so mad at you! You are such a mean mommy.
Me: I don't understand why you are so mad at me. I told you not to call someone baby bottom.
S: (Tried to tell me what the problem was, but was screaming it so loud I could not understand.)
Me: I need you to calm down and use your big boy words.

After much dialog like this he finally calmed and I turned him around to face me. He was still mad, but finally told me that in his class Mr. Happy had broken the ship he had built twice and was still being mean to him in the play area. I told him, "Thank you for telling me so I can take care if it." I also assured him I would put them in separate classes so Mr. Happy couldn't bug him anymore.

When we were walking out of the bathroom there was a security lady standing and waiting. I think she was waiting because I'm sure someone thought I was doing him harm, but she said, "I want to give you a hug. What you are doing is hard, but you are doing such a good job. Thank you."  Holy crap! I was floored and she made me cry. 

I have stopped worrying what everyone around me thinks about my parenting, but it was so nice to get a compliment. 

Mr. Happy had neurofeedback yesterday so he is very alert and not in his dis-associative fog. When he is alert he does more stick-poking and mean things to try and project his feelings onto others. It works well, but I need to address it more. It's never ending...

2 comments:

Tasha Lehman said...

I love hearing that someone encouraged you instead of judging! Hooray for awesome people!! (And she was so totally right)

Kathy C. said...

Wow. What control!! And I think I have it tough sometimes.