I hadn't tapped since then and Lisa posted about an amazing teleconference with Brad Yates that is coming up on May 3rd here for parents that parent trauma. Be sure to check it out! I called Lisa because I just needed to talk and I wanted to talk a little about tapping. She inspired me to start tapping on myself and getting my boys tapping so today I started with Mr. Stinky.
Mr. Stinky has been struggling with anxiety and it is coming out in his behavior. He is snarky, and lashing out and just plain grumpy so I showed him the anxiety video from Lisa's blog and it was interesting. He was having a hard time keeping up with what Brad was saying, but there were times when he could not repeat what Brad was saying even though it was easy and then it dawned on me that it is too hard for him to verbalize the feeling. I shut the video off early and had him start tapping:
Even though I am mad I am an awesome kid. -He could not do "I am an awesome kid" and doubled over in anger saying, "I can't do it!!!" I switched it to:
Even though I am mad my mom things I am awesome. -This he could do.
Even though I am mad my mom loves me very much.
Even though I am mad my mom thinks I rock
Even though (birthmom) left me at the hospital I was a good baby.
Even though (birthmom) decided not to be my mom I was a good baby.
At this point he started crying and said he was really mad at his birth mom for leaving him at the hospital. His feelings just started pouring out of him like never before. Then he started to get mad that he was crying so I had him tap:
Even though I am crying it is ok to cry.
Even though I am crying my mom things I'm a great kid.
When we stopped I linked back for him why he does not like to cry. "As a baby, in the orphanage, you cried because you needed to be fed, changed or held and the orphanage ladies were too busy so you think it is bad to cry now." He said, "Wow, I didn't know it was ok to cry." I found this statement somewhat odd because we had told him and our therapist had talked to him about it in therapy. The tapping changed him and helped it really sink in.
When we were all done tapping and crying he was very loving and told me he felt so much better. He grabbed my laptop and asked me to type what he said and as I typed he put his arm around my shoulders and hung on me. This was huge because he has been very distant and resistant for a long time. This is what he said:
In 2004 January the 20th I was born. A_____, my birthmom decided not to be my mom and that was rude of her. And now that I am older I want to hurt A____ because I hurt inside. If A____ said I am so cute and all that stuff that birth moms say (about babies) and then they just leave you in the hospital until an orphanage lady comes and picks you up, that is very rude of a birth mom if they said that.
Now I am 8-years-old and it is Sunday April 22, 2012 and I am older and I am very very very angry at A___. Years have passed and I know it is not right to hurt a birth mom who left me in the orphanage. If you want to hurt a birth mom who lives far away you should not. It is on this day I did the tapping and it made me cry and I also got mad and I didn’t know tapping could do that.
Moms if your children are very angry and they don’t’ want to do their therapy and they are at home or in the hotel right by the therapist or if you are camping or if you are anywhere where you can spend the night (We travel and spend the night when we go to therapy so he is referring to when we camp overnight or stay in a hotel) you should do the tapping with your children to help them with their therapy. Me and my mom started to cry some. It is ok to cry. I just realized that today. If your children do not want to do it just say, “It is not an option you should do it.” Today I got really angry at my brothers and then my mom said to come in and we did the tapping and it helped me to feel good inside.
He asked me to print it and he was excited because there was a lot of room at the bottom for a picture.
He drew a picture of his birth mom with him in her tummy.
This is the most complete and best drawing of a person he has done.
Her nose almost looks like a heart.
He was so proud of it he ran to show his papa and then came asking me to please share it with my mom friends. He made sure I took it to our adoption support group tonight and then asked me afterwards if I shared it. I said, "Yes, and that everyone liked it and was happy he felt better." He was so happy about that and this is from a child who is VERY private and does not want anyone to know anything about him or his feelings.
So Mama's this is advise from my 8-year-old "Get your kids to tap!" and if you need help contact me or Lisa.