I have been in such turmoil over whether to go to Orlando or not and I have been praying for God to give me a clear cut sign so I would know. Yesterday, I talked to my dad about it and it was such a relief when he told me I needed to go. He specifically said, "God would want you to go because we all need a break sometimes." Peace just came over me and I knew it was ok.
I am at my parents hanging out with my mom and this could be the last time I see her awake and that breaks my heart. It is really hard for me to let go and let others care for her, but I know she will be in good hands with my family. It has been a long stressful year with her diagnosis of cancer, but I would not trade a minute of it of the extra time I got to spend with her.
Today, I talked to Mr. Stinky because I know he is holding his emotions in over this. I said, "I knew you are having a hard time and it is ok talk about it." He said, It is hard when I see you crying while you're driving or talking on the phone." That made me start crying again. He reached out and gave me the sweetest hug and then I cried on his shoulder for a bit. I told him, "Thank you for lending your shoulder because now I feel so much better."
Before I left this afternoon, I gave the boys pictures of me with them to put in their photo albums and I included a picture of them with their grandma. They were so excited.
When I was saying, "Good bye" on the porch and giving hugs and kisses Mr. Stinky was holding back the tears and was suddenly so interested in a dead worm. Hello coping skills!
I am getting on a plane in less than 12 hours and I am nervous and excited.