We tend to tiptoe around whenever there is a holiday because of the backlash. I decided I was going to be passive aggressive with Valentine's Day this year and it was a success!!!
When the boys woke up I had made cinnamon rolls and made sure they knew I did it because I love them.
At lunch I made sure they knew I made it because I love them.
I made a giant heart shaped cookie and I made sure they knew I did it because I love them.
My husband took them to buy me some gifts, and I set some out for them, and I made sure they knew it was because I love them.
All day long they ate junk and sweets and I made sure they knew it was because I love them.
I kept inviting the tantrums, but no one took me up on it. They went to bed and all was well on Valentines Day!
After they went to bed I panicked! I realized the next day would be HELL. ON. EARTH. So I was ready once again. I invited the tantrums ALL. DAY. LONG. and it was still a good day. Mr. Screech started to have a meltdown, but quickly used his words and said, "But I don't want Valentine's Day to be over." I clued into what he was REALLY saying and said, "Just because Valentine's Day is over does not mean I have stopped loving you." That was what he needed to hear and we had a wonderful day! Healing is AMAZING!
Showing posts with label Mr. Screech. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mr. Screech. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Inviting the Tantrum
Mr. Screech has decided that it is his duty to get up first thing in the morning and have a tantrum. I have tried ignoring, but he started tearing things up to get my attention or making it a point to tantrum while I was eating breakfast. (I made sure they ate first thing which put me eating later.) I have tried doing what he asks and not cause a conflict, but no matter what I do he still tantrums. For example, make him the breakfast that he asked for and then he rages because it was the wrong breakfast. Seriously?!
For the past three mornings I have been getting up before my kids and as soon as he gets up I invite him to the couch to have a tantrum on my lap. He says he doesn't want to have a tantrum, but the first morning he started as soon as he got off my lap, so we went right back to the couch to get it out of his system. Yesterday and today he did not want to have one and he didn't even after getting off my lap. It has made it so we can start the day with snuggles and laughter.
Another thing about getting up before them is I am one step ahead all day long. I am able to direct them better through school and I have been telling them what toys to play with and they seem to do really well with this routine. Mr. Screech was especially lost when I would tell him to get a toy to play with so consequently he would tantrum instead of play.
For the past three mornings I have been getting up before my kids and as soon as he gets up I invite him to the couch to have a tantrum on my lap. He says he doesn't want to have a tantrum, but the first morning he started as soon as he got off my lap, so we went right back to the couch to get it out of his system. Yesterday and today he did not want to have one and he didn't even after getting off my lap. It has made it so we can start the day with snuggles and laughter.
Another thing about getting up before them is I am one step ahead all day long. I am able to direct them better through school and I have been telling them what toys to play with and they seem to do really well with this routine. Mr. Screech was especially lost when I would tell him to get a toy to play with so consequently he would tantrum instead of play.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Getting my homemaker mojo back!
Today, I made French baguettes, scones, truffles and rum cake and it felt so good! I love to cook and bake, but Mr. Screech has robbed me of it for the past 31/2 years. I can barely drag my butt into the kitchen to make them some half assed dinner most evenings and then when they go to bed I flop on the couch exhausted. It has gotten better over time, but today was just awesome!
I plugged them into the tv and let them play on their own without too many issues. I stayed in my PJ's all day and got it done. I'm sure tomorrow I'll pay like crazy for it, but I'm enjoying today!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Thanksgiving Day Second Half
I got all my crying out before Dad and C got here, so the rest of my day was fine. A family friend called me after they left and we got to chat and remember some of the good times with mom, back in the day.
Mr. Screech is pretty triggered right now. He is tantruming over everything and being very irrational. Our therapist had previously said he and Mr. Happy would notice mom gone more around the holidays, so maybe that is part of the problem on top of the normal holiday triggers. Several times through out the day he says, "I miss grandma."
Right after finding out my Dad and C were getting married Mr. Stinky wanted to call "C" grandma. It kinda got to me because I felt like he was trying to cover up his feelings and move on quickly. He started calling her Grandma C, but now he has switched to calling her by name and I'm not sure why. Mr. Stinky has been dealing with a lot of anger flare up here lately. Good times.
Mr. Screech is pretty triggered right now. He is tantruming over everything and being very irrational. Our therapist had previously said he and Mr. Happy would notice mom gone more around the holidays, so maybe that is part of the problem on top of the normal holiday triggers. Several times through out the day he says, "I miss grandma."
Right after finding out my Dad and C were getting married Mr. Stinky wanted to call "C" grandma. It kinda got to me because I felt like he was trying to cover up his feelings and move on quickly. He started calling her Grandma C, but now he has switched to calling her by name and I'm not sure why. Mr. Stinky has been dealing with a lot of anger flare up here lately. Good times.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Parenting trauma can be so lonely.
Tonight was a lonely parenting moment for me. I took my kids to a roller skating party and there were quite a few adopted children there. (Families I know of, but not friends with.) Mr. Screech was the only one screaming, "I hate you and I will not go home with you!" when it was time to go. Suck! Suck! and Suck!
It was sucking me into depression, but after chatting with GB's Mom we concluded that Hope would be screaming right along with Mr. Screech. I imagined both of us chatting and laughing about our kids and their ridiculous fits. I don't feel as lonely anymore.
So, thank you GB's Mom for being such a fabulous SOUL sister and I can't wait to hug your neck in Orlando. Only 102 days!
It was sucking me into depression, but after chatting with GB's Mom we concluded that Hope would be screaming right along with Mr. Screech. I imagined both of us chatting and laughing about our kids and their ridiculous fits. I don't feel as lonely anymore.
So, thank you GB's Mom for being such a fabulous SOUL sister and I can't wait to hug your neck in Orlando. Only 102 days!
Friday, September 23, 2011
It was great to go back!
Day 1 Sept. 17th.
Back to Cleveland that is.
We decided more is better this year so we are seeing our therapist for the second time and we are planning a third trip in November. Mr. Stinky and Mr. Screech seemed to have come a long way, but Mr. Happy is holding on to his mad and sad and not wanting to talk about it. I love to sit down with Arleta to talk about how the boys are doing because we really see how far they are progressing and what still needs to be worked on. Sometimes in the day to day it is doom and gloom when they are not "perfect."
Arleta started by running a new neurofeedback protocol to help Mr. Happy’s brain get unstuck in the trauma of the orphanage and then we listened to nice songs while he sat on my lap and looked in my eyes. When it was his turn to talk about his story he was tight lipped so she called in Mr. Screech. As soon as he came in, the door of her office, he sat hard on his butt and started a tantrum. She reminded him that his tantrums do not work and he regulated himself pretty quick, but stayed sitting on the floor. We told her Mr. Stinky wanted to go first today so he could stop stressing (he has performance anxiety) about talking to her so she called him in. He did a great job talking to her and did not throw one fit.
To engage the other two, Arleta went into some therapy using little people and placed a mama and papa people together. Then she had each of the boy hold their person and place it in various spots based on where they were "in the family" and that was based on how they were acting. She also went through their birthstories and acted them out with the little people. The boys liked it and were able to engage.
Mr. Screech and Mr. Happy are stuck mentally in the orphanage and Mr. Stinky is verbalizing all of his mad towards his birthmom, but Arleta is helping him connect that some of his mad is from living in the orphanage too. When babies are neglected they get mad and then the made gets stuck in them and comes out explosively over something little. To help give them visuals she had them watch video clips of babies/toddlers in the orphanage. This is the second time our boys have seen this video and they did a lot better this time focusing on the video. Last time, they would try and do something else instead of looking at the screen. Mr. Happy still tried to engage Arleta’s dog or pick at his pants or shoes. Shoes can be SUPER interesting when you want to avoid something painful.
This evening was very pleasant with our boys. In the past, I have feared getting kicked out of our hotel because of the raging tantrums going on. I am LOVING the progress my family has made in the past 1-year and 8-months. To think I tried this on my own for a year and a half and we went nowhere. My kids rejected me daily and tantrumed like crazy. I did not like being a mother, but tonight was wonderful! Mr. Screech was my biggest rejecter and tonight he was my sweetest most loving of all three. If you are still struggling after months or years I beg of you to call a reputable attachment therapist so you can get your sanity back. Our therapist will see us over a weekend so it makes it very doable even though we live 6 hours away.
Last night The Mr. and I had a good talk about our own emotional wellbeing and how we need to improve to help our kids. I have wanted The Mr. to try neurofeedback to see if it would help him. He agreed, but only if I would do it too. Arleta said I need the mood stabilizer protocol and I would agree. I miss my mom so much and I have my dad’s wedding coming up in a few weeks so yeah, that would be a fabulous protocol for me. Depression sucks and I'd like to have the fog lifted.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
There were four in the bed and the vocal RAD said, "Aaaaahhhhh GET UP!!!"
My husband is out of town until late Thursday night, and on top of everything else the kids are working through, this is making them even more bonkers.
Mr. Stinky came in my room to sleep around 3am, Mr. Happy came in around 5:30am, and Mr. Screech came at 6:30am.
When the first two came in it was no big deal because they snuggled in and went right to sleep. Mr. Screech came in and immediately had the RAD look of, "What did I miss! How dare everyone be here and not me!" I had everyone squish over so he could get in bed and he lay there for 15 minutes and then started talking.
I told him he needed to be quiet because everyone is sleeping and if he needed to go on then go quiet. What was I thinking! That was not good enough for a screeching RADling. He sat up on his knees on the edge of the bed watching everyone and making noises. I took him to his room and of course the screaming woke everyone up. I promised him he was not going to like his day because he did not do as he was told.
When he asked for his breakfast I started crying and yelling (just like he had done), "I don't want to!" so he went and got his own cereal and milk.
When it was time for lunch I asked if he wanted a grilled cheese or corn dog and he said, "Corn Dog!" He got grilled cheese because I decided not to listen to him.
When he said, "But I asked for a corn dog!" I said, (in a surprised nice toned voice) "Oh! I thought we were not listening to what people wanted or asked for today." and walked on. He was a very sad boy so I came back and validated that it was sad when people don't listen to what others are asking.
This might take a million times of doing, but he will get it eventually. This is a natural and logical consequence.
This afternoon, Mr. Screech had a severe RAD moment that had me giggling. Lately, I've been getting mad so it felt good to giggle over it for a bit.
We have several riding cars and the boys love to race each other around the house on them. First, Mr. Screech tried to get Mr. Happy's car and when I told him to move on he went to Mr. Stinky's car. I kept telling Mr. Screech to try a different car and he had an excuse for not going to THAT car. Until Mr. Stinky did of course. He followed Mr. Stinky to a different car 4 or 5 times and it was ridiculous. I went to pick him up to get him away from his brother and I was laughing so much I didn't have the strength to lift him. We had a little couch time.
Mr. Stinky had a rippin tantrum and took a toy and launched it at me. He had perfect aim and hit me right in the face so now I have a bruised cheek. I'm thinking he should play baseball.
After he calmed down we had a calm moment on the couch and he talked about missing grandma. We both had a good cry together.
Counting down to our therapy appointment on Friday.
After he calmed down we had a calm moment on the couch and he talked about missing grandma. We both had a good cry together.
Counting down to our therapy appointment on Friday.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Oppositional defiance at it's best.
Here is one example of how my ENTIRE day has been with Mr. Screech:
All three boys were playing in our kiddie pool and after trying to mediate I finally made Mr. Stinky and Mr. Screech get out because they were doing everything in their power to make the other mad.
When they came in to change their clothes, I noticed Mr. Screech had mud on him so I told him to jump in the tub and he screamed and cried and told me it makes him too cold so he WILL NO get in the tub. Mr. Stinky asked if he could get in and of course I said, "Yes."
Now Mr. Screech is in a tailspin because I gave him a towel and told him to get dressed. NOW he wants in the tub, but he can wait until bath time tonight. I'm exhausted. Is it 7pm yet?
All three boys were playing in our kiddie pool and after trying to mediate I finally made Mr. Stinky and Mr. Screech get out because they were doing everything in their power to make the other mad.
When they came in to change their clothes, I noticed Mr. Screech had mud on him so I told him to jump in the tub and he screamed and cried and told me it makes him too cold so he WILL NO get in the tub. Mr. Stinky asked if he could get in and of course I said, "Yes."
Now Mr. Screech is in a tailspin because I gave him a towel and told him to get dressed. NOW he wants in the tub, but he can wait until bath time tonight. I'm exhausted. Is it 7pm yet?
Friday, May 27, 2011
Passive-Aggressive. It's what's for breakfast!
We had a wonderful day at the beach with Orlando SOUL Sisters Kathie and Heather. They also brought friends so it was just a good day of women chatting and kiddos all over the place. There is something about being with a SOUL Sister that is just uplifting and encouraging.
As we were walking up the beach, to have dinner at a hotel, Mr. Screech lost it and would not stop screaming. I knew it was a hunger meltdown so I tried to calm him and get him something to eat. Finally.This morning he woke a little grumpy, but it passed quickly.
Mr. Happy has decided to be very passive aggressive and he has recently had a session of neurofeedback so I know his brain is working well. I made a big breakfast of sausage, eggs, apples and cinnamon rolls. I waited to give them the cinnamon rolls until after they had eaten everything else and Mr. Stinky and Mr. Screech both asked nicely for theirs. Mr. Happy decided he couldn't remember what they are called so he didn't get one. Realize we had been talking about them all morning so he KNOWS what they are called.
When brushing his teeth he asked me to put toothpaste on his brush and I said, "I'll be there in a minute." When I walked in he was doing it himself and eating it so I took it off his brush and told him he couldn't have any because he didn't wait for mommy and we don't eat toothpaste. He was trying to replace his cinnamon roll treat with toothpaste because it is the sweet kids kind. Uh, no!
As we were walking up the beach, to have dinner at a hotel, Mr. Screech lost it and would not stop screaming. I knew it was a hunger meltdown so I tried to calm him and get him something to eat. Finally.This morning he woke a little grumpy, but it passed quickly.
Mr. Happy has decided to be very passive aggressive and he has recently had a session of neurofeedback so I know his brain is working well. I made a big breakfast of sausage, eggs, apples and cinnamon rolls. I waited to give them the cinnamon rolls until after they had eaten everything else and Mr. Stinky and Mr. Screech both asked nicely for theirs. Mr. Happy decided he couldn't remember what they are called so he didn't get one. Realize we had been talking about them all morning so he KNOWS what they are called.
When brushing his teeth he asked me to put toothpaste on his brush and I said, "I'll be there in a minute." When I walked in he was doing it himself and eating it so I took it off his brush and told him he couldn't have any because he didn't wait for mommy and we don't eat toothpaste. He was trying to replace his cinnamon roll treat with toothpaste because it is the sweet kids kind. Uh, no!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
On vacation and counting down to therapy.
We came to Florida on vacation last week and have really been having a good time RAD and all. We were only supposed to stay a week, but The Mr. got called out of town on business so I decided to stay another week with the kids. Sunny Florida sure beats being cooped up in the house because of rain and tornadoes back home.
The best part is getting to meet up with some Orlando SOUL sisters! Spent Friday at the beach with "G" and her family and it was nice to be with someone who "gets it." Tomorrow, I'm meeting with "K" and can't wait for more SOUL Sister time! I wish more of you were here.
We have 8 days until we trek to Cleveland to see our therapist and it really can't come soon enough. We have not been to see her since September so we are LONG overdue.
Mr. Screech is in full out RAD behavior.
*Everything is about him
*The world is out to get him. Always worried when his brothers get near his toys.
*He is oppositional defiant about EVERYTHING!
*He is manipulating the crap out of my friends, who he doesn't know that well.
*He is obsessing about things like missing my mom and our cat. Um, my mom I get. Our cat hides until the boys are in bed, so they don't get to play with him. Ever. What is there to miss?
We are vacationing at our friends house and yesterday, while sitting on the couch with our friend M, he told M he loved him about every 15 minutes for about 4 hours. Today, M was at work and Mr. Screech was sitting on the couch and said, "I love you M." I had a little chat with him that it was not appropriate because M is not his papa and furthermore M was not even home! Seriously!
My sister is vacationing at a nearby beach so we met her and her friend there. It was so nice to have 3 adults with 3 kids who demand attention. First off, they played with my kids in the ocean so I could just have a minute to breathe. I sat in my chair, lay my head back and just listened to the waves crash. So relaxing! At sunset all the baby stingrays came right up and we could watch them feed on the fish. It was creepy because I was IN the ocean, but so incredibly awesome once my feet were out and I could watch them.
At dinner each adult had a kid next to them and I had Mr. Stinky who is not so demanding. By the time I got done taking pictures everyone had their food in place and I didn't have to meet the demands of three kids. I almost didn't know what to do with myself so I started eating.
I had to bite my tongue all day to not nitpick my kids, but when Mr. Screech was sitting next to my sister, and then gets out of his chair so he can eat standing and leaning into her lap, and food, I had to put a stop to it. He was demanding and manipulative of her all day. I was not going to let him ruin her dinner. Geez.
Mr. Happy is very passive-aggressive-defiant. It is so weird and I just don't know how to deal with it. He has a lot of anger he needs to get out and I can't wait for our therapist to work with him, and us, to help let it out. I really need some parenting tools for this child!
Mr. Stinky is just missing his grandma, but not talking about it. We've gotta fix that in a hurry!
Come on 8 days! I am ready!
The best part is getting to meet up with some Orlando SOUL sisters! Spent Friday at the beach with "G" and her family and it was nice to be with someone who "gets it." Tomorrow, I'm meeting with "K" and can't wait for more SOUL Sister time! I wish more of you were here.
We have 8 days until we trek to Cleveland to see our therapist and it really can't come soon enough. We have not been to see her since September so we are LONG overdue.
Mr. Screech is in full out RAD behavior.
*Everything is about him
*The world is out to get him. Always worried when his brothers get near his toys.
*He is oppositional defiant about EVERYTHING!
*He is manipulating the crap out of my friends, who he doesn't know that well.
*He is obsessing about things like missing my mom and our cat. Um, my mom I get. Our cat hides until the boys are in bed, so they don't get to play with him. Ever. What is there to miss?
We are vacationing at our friends house and yesterday, while sitting on the couch with our friend M, he told M he loved him about every 15 minutes for about 4 hours. Today, M was at work and Mr. Screech was sitting on the couch and said, "I love you M." I had a little chat with him that it was not appropriate because M is not his papa and furthermore M was not even home! Seriously!
My sister is vacationing at a nearby beach so we met her and her friend there. It was so nice to have 3 adults with 3 kids who demand attention. First off, they played with my kids in the ocean so I could just have a minute to breathe. I sat in my chair, lay my head back and just listened to the waves crash. So relaxing! At sunset all the baby stingrays came right up and we could watch them feed on the fish. It was creepy because I was IN the ocean, but so incredibly awesome once my feet were out and I could watch them.
At dinner each adult had a kid next to them and I had Mr. Stinky who is not so demanding. By the time I got done taking pictures everyone had their food in place and I didn't have to meet the demands of three kids. I almost didn't know what to do with myself so I started eating.
I had to bite my tongue all day to not nitpick my kids, but when Mr. Screech was sitting next to my sister, and then gets out of his chair so he can eat standing and leaning into her lap, and food, I had to put a stop to it. He was demanding and manipulative of her all day. I was not going to let him ruin her dinner. Geez.
Mr. Happy is very passive-aggressive-defiant. It is so weird and I just don't know how to deal with it. He has a lot of anger he needs to get out and I can't wait for our therapist to work with him, and us, to help let it out. I really need some parenting tools for this child!
Mr. Stinky is just missing his grandma, but not talking about it. We've gotta fix that in a hurry!
Come on 8 days! I am ready!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Can we just erase Mother's Day from the calender?
Yesterday, was a not so cool day with my vocal RADish (Mr. Screech). It was our second day in a row of being gone all day. Apparently, I did not get the memo we can not do that.
He did good up until 1pm when we were at the library. He was playing cars with Mr. Happy and decided to to hog all the cars. It just went downhill from there so I tried to get us out of there as quick as possible. Remembering what some of the Orlando mom's recommended I pulled the "Autism" card. Since Mr. Screech does some autistic-like behaviors it fits. I looked at the librarian and said, "Sorry, we are having a little autism meltdown." She helped carry my books to check out and then helped me get all three boys to the car. People know what autism is so they are sympathetic.
Next stop was the park to get some energy out. Mr. Screech is insisting all day he is a 1-year-old so I had him play on the toddler set while his brothers got to play on the bigger set.
Mr. Stinky had a soccer game so we grabbed some food and headed to the soccer field. Mr. Screech decided he was going to go ODD on me while we were eating. He wasn't going to sit where I told him to. It had to be exactly anywhere but there.
I was praying we would make it through the soccer game, but no go. I had already prepped Mr. Stinky if I wasn't sitting there to just come to the van. Mr. Happy had been digging in the mud on the hillside and found a worm. Mr. Screech wanted to see it so he started shoving and almost made Mr. Happy go down the hill. It is kinda steep and there are a bunch of weeds at the bottom.
I went and got Mr. Screech and sat him on my lap and kinda put him in a hold. I had my arms in a lose circle around him and was trying to talk, but he was hell bent on tantruming. I heard someone say, "Well, she brought it on herself." I don't know if they were accusing me of making his tantrum start (that's what my in-laws do) or of they were talking about someone else.
I asked the lady next to me to help me get my chair back in the bag as I hung on to Mr. Screech. So then I got to walk back to the car with 2 chairs and a raging child. I was amazed at how many people turned around and watched me walk, but no one offered to help me. Not even when it was clear I was having a hard time holding my son and almost dropped him.
I took him to the van and strapped him into his car seat, it is a 5-point harness, and let him rage. This time he unbuckled the car seat from the seat and looked like a turtle. It was almost comical, but he raged for 45 minutes at the field.
When our kids are raging we coach them to talk about their feelings instead of raging. Say, "I am mad! or I am sad. etc" In the past few weeks he was raged and then cried about missing Grandma so today while he was raging he took it to a fake cry saying he missed Grandma. When I didn't get him out of his seat he would rage again. This is the first time I have noticed manipulation with Grandma attached.
When we got home they all put their PJ's on and I tucked him in bed. His brothers got to go have ice cream.
When they were all in bed I collapsed on the couch and wondered what in the heck had happened to make him so crazy. Then I remembered, when they were in childcare at the Y they made hand prints on a paper plate for Mother's Day. I guess that was the major trigger as well as his dad being out of town and still dealing with Grandma passing away. Suck!
I remember a conversation I had with our therapist last year and she said Mother's Day weekend is the worst for the kids. The office is closed early so they can be on the phone with parents and it is also the holiday with the most hospitalizations. I know my other trauma mama's are going through it right now so I am praying. My son's tantrums are nothing compared to what they are going through.
On top of my kids triggers I'm dreading my first Mother's Day without my mom. Double suck!
On a happier note, we are going to see our therapist June 3rd. We have not been since September so we are WAY over due. Her office is my happy place so I can't wait.
He did good up until 1pm when we were at the library. He was playing cars with Mr. Happy and decided to to hog all the cars. It just went downhill from there so I tried to get us out of there as quick as possible. Remembering what some of the Orlando mom's recommended I pulled the "Autism" card. Since Mr. Screech does some autistic-like behaviors it fits. I looked at the librarian and said, "Sorry, we are having a little autism meltdown." She helped carry my books to check out and then helped me get all three boys to the car. People know what autism is so they are sympathetic.
Next stop was the park to get some energy out. Mr. Screech is insisting all day he is a 1-year-old so I had him play on the toddler set while his brothers got to play on the bigger set.
Mr. Stinky had a soccer game so we grabbed some food and headed to the soccer field. Mr. Screech decided he was going to go ODD on me while we were eating. He wasn't going to sit where I told him to. It had to be exactly anywhere but there.
I was praying we would make it through the soccer game, but no go. I had already prepped Mr. Stinky if I wasn't sitting there to just come to the van. Mr. Happy had been digging in the mud on the hillside and found a worm. Mr. Screech wanted to see it so he started shoving and almost made Mr. Happy go down the hill. It is kinda steep and there are a bunch of weeds at the bottom.
I went and got Mr. Screech and sat him on my lap and kinda put him in a hold. I had my arms in a lose circle around him and was trying to talk, but he was hell bent on tantruming. I heard someone say, "Well, she brought it on herself." I don't know if they were accusing me of making his tantrum start (that's what my in-laws do) or of they were talking about someone else.
I asked the lady next to me to help me get my chair back in the bag as I hung on to Mr. Screech. So then I got to walk back to the car with 2 chairs and a raging child. I was amazed at how many people turned around and watched me walk, but no one offered to help me. Not even when it was clear I was having a hard time holding my son and almost dropped him.
I took him to the van and strapped him into his car seat, it is a 5-point harness, and let him rage. This time he unbuckled the car seat from the seat and looked like a turtle. It was almost comical, but he raged for 45 minutes at the field.
When our kids are raging we coach them to talk about their feelings instead of raging. Say, "I am mad! or I am sad. etc" In the past few weeks he was raged and then cried about missing Grandma so today while he was raging he took it to a fake cry saying he missed Grandma. When I didn't get him out of his seat he would rage again. This is the first time I have noticed manipulation with Grandma attached.
When we got home they all put their PJ's on and I tucked him in bed. His brothers got to go have ice cream.
When they were all in bed I collapsed on the couch and wondered what in the heck had happened to make him so crazy. Then I remembered, when they were in childcare at the Y they made hand prints on a paper plate for Mother's Day. I guess that was the major trigger as well as his dad being out of town and still dealing with Grandma passing away. Suck!
I remember a conversation I had with our therapist last year and she said Mother's Day weekend is the worst for the kids. The office is closed early so they can be on the phone with parents and it is also the holiday with the most hospitalizations. I know my other trauma mama's are going through it right now so I am praying. My son's tantrums are nothing compared to what they are going through.
On top of my kids triggers I'm dreading my first Mother's Day without my mom. Double suck!
On a happier note, we are going to see our therapist June 3rd. We have not been since September so we are WAY over due. Her office is my happy place so I can't wait.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Easter without Mom/Grandma
We spent the first part of Saturday with my friends family and it was nice. We had great conversation, good food, and the boys enjoyed the egg hunt.
My boys call her mom "Grandma Peggy", but Mr. Screech has started calling her "Mama Peggy." I informed him that she was not his mama and now he is using it as a stick poking tool. Let's remember that Mr. Screech is a brilliant child and doesn't forget a thing, much less who he is supposed to call mama!
From there, we went to my uncle's house for our family get together. Everything was going well until dinner. When we were sitting around eating and talking it really hit that my mom wans't there. Normally, she is a big part of the conversation and I couldn't hear her voice. I had to put my plate down and go have a good cry in the bathroom.
The boys had a good time with the egg hunt and I let them have a couple of treats. Towards the end of the night, I caught Mr. Screech chowing down on more candy. A peep to be specific. I put on my sad voice and told him he had to put it in the trash because he did not ask mommy if he could have it. He flipped out and started into a rage of screaming. I walked him up the stairs to the trash can and he threw it on the floor. At that point I could not breath. All I have to say about this episode is, "grief sucks!"
Shortly after that, we left and I fell apart when I hugged my cousin. I know she gets my grief because her mom died when we were 14-years-old. My dad hugged me and said, "I cry a dozen times a day." Man, I feel for him.
Sunday, Mr. Screech was still a raging, nasty little mess so we had some couch time. After he raged for a while his cry changed to sobs and he fell on my chest saying, "I just miss grandma!" Oh how it broke my heart and we cried together. After that fit, we had a pretty pleasant day.
I googled the stages of grief and this site lists them. One stage is anger and I have not hit it over her death, BUT I feel like I have displaced anger towards my kids. I went to therapy in the fall and it helped. When my kids did things, it did not trigger my anger and I could parent therapeutically. Since my mother's passing I am short with them and impatient and talking in an angry tone. My therapeutic parenting is out the window and they are triggering my anger. I guess it is time for mama to go back to therapy.
My boys call her mom "Grandma Peggy", but Mr. Screech has started calling her "Mama Peggy." I informed him that she was not his mama and now he is using it as a stick poking tool. Let's remember that Mr. Screech is a brilliant child and doesn't forget a thing, much less who he is supposed to call mama!
From there, we went to my uncle's house for our family get together. Everything was going well until dinner. When we were sitting around eating and talking it really hit that my mom wans't there. Normally, she is a big part of the conversation and I couldn't hear her voice. I had to put my plate down and go have a good cry in the bathroom.
The boys had a good time with the egg hunt and I let them have a couple of treats. Towards the end of the night, I caught Mr. Screech chowing down on more candy. A peep to be specific. I put on my sad voice and told him he had to put it in the trash because he did not ask mommy if he could have it. He flipped out and started into a rage of screaming. I walked him up the stairs to the trash can and he threw it on the floor. At that point I could not breath. All I have to say about this episode is, "grief sucks!"
Shortly after that, we left and I fell apart when I hugged my cousin. I know she gets my grief because her mom died when we were 14-years-old. My dad hugged me and said, "I cry a dozen times a day." Man, I feel for him.
Sunday, Mr. Screech was still a raging, nasty little mess so we had some couch time. After he raged for a while his cry changed to sobs and he fell on my chest saying, "I just miss grandma!" Oh how it broke my heart and we cried together. After that fit, we had a pretty pleasant day.
I googled the stages of grief and this site lists them. One stage is anger and I have not hit it over her death, BUT I feel like I have displaced anger towards my kids. I went to therapy in the fall and it helped. When my kids did things, it did not trigger my anger and I could parent therapeutically. Since my mother's passing I am short with them and impatient and talking in an angry tone. My therapeutic parenting is out the window and they are triggering my anger. I guess it is time for mama to go back to therapy.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Reflecting on Saturday
Saturday was a busy day, and I realized there is no way Mr. Screech would have handled it one year ago.
The second is joint compression at the wrist, elbow and pressing straight down on the top of the head. All are done at a 10 count.
First, we had a soccer game and then went straight to an Easter party. We arrived 30 minutes late so everyone was there and it was loud. The boys are comfortable at this house because we are there every other Sunday for Bible study. They had a good time and left with lots of candy. Normally, we let the host know we will arrive early to be the first ones there or we have crazy meltdowns. Not this time!
Next, we headed to a ministry who needed help cleaning and fixing up their new building. When we arrived the boys met lots of new people and it was overwhelming for them, but they behaved well. We picked a room and starting washing the walls. The boys complained a lot, but that is to be expected.
Around lunch time, everyone was hanging out in the same room and the ladies started interacting with the boys. It didn't take long for the charm to explode and they were soooooo over the top wild and couldn't come down. I let it go for a while and then I whipped out the calming techniques of deep pressure.
The first, long bone compression. You push firm and steady between the wrist and elbow and then the knee and bottom of foot. I count to 10 while compressing.
The ladies were amazed at how calm the boys got and then wanted me to try it on them. They were amazed at how relaxed they got.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
He what!?
I saw an invite on Heather Forbes facebook today to "test drive" her online parenting course. My boys were outside playing, I could hear them and all was well so I did. It was a really cool LIVE Q&A session through video chat. Her 10 week course will be live and online with Heather so you might want to check it out.
Towards the end, Mr. Screech comes in crying saying, "Mr. Happy put his hands around my throat and tangled them up." He frieking put his hands around Mr. Screeches throat and was choking him! Mr. Happy was glued to my hip for the reminder of the afternoon. That child is scary passive aggressive.
I had them come in and watch a 30 minute TV show for my quiet time and I did not leave the room. Apparently, that is not good enough. I look up just in time to see Mr. Happy with his hands around Mr. Screech's neck again! Then Mr. Happy said, "Well, he put his hands around my throat first." Oh, hell-to-the-no! We are not doing that in this house! Yes, my head did rotate.
I have no idea how to handle this and I'm sure I did it all wrong since all day long I did it all wrong. I have a phone conference scheduled with our therapist tomorrow so I will be asking her. In the mean time my children will not be left unattended for any period of time. I don't need one 4-year-old strangling another to death. Heaven help me...
Towards the end, Mr. Screech comes in crying saying, "Mr. Happy put his hands around my throat and tangled them up." He frieking put his hands around Mr. Screeches throat and was choking him! Mr. Happy was glued to my hip for the reminder of the afternoon. That child is scary passive aggressive.
I had them come in and watch a 30 minute TV show for my quiet time and I did not leave the room. Apparently, that is not good enough. I look up just in time to see Mr. Happy with his hands around Mr. Screech's neck again! Then Mr. Happy said, "Well, he put his hands around my throat first." Oh, hell-to-the-no! We are not doing that in this house! Yes, my head did rotate.
I have no idea how to handle this and I'm sure I did it all wrong since all day long I did it all wrong. I have a phone conference scheduled with our therapist tomorrow so I will be asking her. In the mean time my children will not be left unattended for any period of time. I don't need one 4-year-old strangling another to death. Heaven help me...
Monday, April 11, 2011
Neurofeedback
Our boys have been on neurofeedback (NF) since September 2010. Our therapist spoke to us about the benefits, we went for it, and I do not have one regret. In fact, I can't imagine life without it.
I'll admit, I did not research NF because my brain was tapped out. I had read too many therapeutic books and could not retain another drop. Our therapist talked in detail of what it was and what it does and seeing a difference in her office. She has not called the police to help her with a child in a year, not gotten hurt by a child, and their office has not been destroyed by a child and that sounded good to me, since we were having to restrain one child daily and another once or twice a week. We were worn out and ready for drastic improvements and that is what we got.
We purchased a home unit since the closest provider was an hour away and we would have to go twice a week for all three boys. With Mr. Stinky in school I didn't think that would work out.
Mr. Stinky: Improvements we have seen with Mr. Stinky would include, focus, smoother speech, better reading skills, dyslexia has gone away, ticks and clicking stopped, and less anxiety. There is a number on the screen that measures stress. A normal stress level is 7. He was around 30 when we started and back in January it came down to 15 and has stayed there. Stress level cut in half! Recently, we were having troubles with Mr. Stinky stealing repeatedly so our therapist had us do a protocol that addresses impulse behavior like stealing and overeating. No more stealing happened. It was amazing!
Mr. Screech: One of the coolest protocols for Mr. Screech made him not so screechy. In fact, it was almost comical. When I was putting the sensors on his head he would be slouched in the chair saying, "I am NOT going to play my computer game! I am NOT!!!" I would just say ok and keep on hooking him up. Half way through the protocol he was smiling and saying, "Mommy, I looooooooooove you!" This protocol literally made him happy and nice to be around. Who wouldn't want that!? Mr. Screech is also a nighttime thrasher, grunter, and screamer. His sleep has calmed significantly with NF!
Mr. Happy: Living in such a fog, I would tell him to get his shoes and point near his feet, Mr. Happy would look around and could not process what I was saying. Of course, I got frustrated, so then the more I got frustrated the more he shut down and could not process what I was saying. It was hopeless most days getting him to follow simple instructions. Running NF has taken him out of the fog and he is able to process and understand what we say. In lifting the fog, it has brought out more defiant behaviors, but I would rather that than living in the fog and never dealing with his emotional issues until later when it would be be more challenging. He is passive aggressive and a subtle "stick poker."
Every time I see someone post about behaviors of their kids and how miserable the parents are with the behaviors I want to scream NEUROFEEDBACK from the rooftops. So, if you are one of those parents I beg of you to check it out. Not only for your sanity, but for the healing of your child.
You can watch videos here, see frequently asked questions here and find a provider here and here. If there is not a provider in your area, purchase a home unit and do it yourself. There are experts who will train you and monitor your sessions and give you protocols based on your child's needs.
If you are interested in a home use unit you can contact Ellen at EEG Spectrum and she will help you locate a professional to help you. Her number is 818-789-3456 ext. 822 or her email is evash (at) eegspectrum (dot) com . Please mention this blog post for reference.
This site lists what neurofeedback can treat:
Over time NF does change the brain for the better. Recently, my boys were off NF for a long stretch of time and they were fine. All the other times I have skipped a session I would start having panic attacks, because of their behavior, and RUN to the NF machine so we could have some peace and calm in our home.
An attachment therapist is needed when doing NF. Using NF can bring up feelings in your child and they will need help processing and working through them. If your therapist has never heard of NF send them this blog post and ask them to research. I believe this could be key to healing our children.
DISCLAIMER: I was not paid by anyone for this blog post. I am not an expert on neurofeedback. I am just a mom-in-the-trenches with three special needs children and I have seen the benefits in our home. If I put something incorrect in this post, I apologize.
I'll admit, I did not research NF because my brain was tapped out. I had read too many therapeutic books and could not retain another drop. Our therapist talked in detail of what it was and what it does and seeing a difference in her office. She has not called the police to help her with a child in a year, not gotten hurt by a child, and their office has not been destroyed by a child and that sounded good to me, since we were having to restrain one child daily and another once or twice a week. We were worn out and ready for drastic improvements and that is what we got.
We purchased a home unit since the closest provider was an hour away and we would have to go twice a week for all three boys. With Mr. Stinky in school I didn't think that would work out.
Mr. Stinky: Improvements we have seen with Mr. Stinky would include, focus, smoother speech, better reading skills, dyslexia has gone away, ticks and clicking stopped, and less anxiety. There is a number on the screen that measures stress. A normal stress level is 7. He was around 30 when we started and back in January it came down to 15 and has stayed there. Stress level cut in half! Recently, we were having troubles with Mr. Stinky stealing repeatedly so our therapist had us do a protocol that addresses impulse behavior like stealing and overeating. No more stealing happened. It was amazing!
Mr. Screech: One of the coolest protocols for Mr. Screech made him not so screechy. In fact, it was almost comical. When I was putting the sensors on his head he would be slouched in the chair saying, "I am NOT going to play my computer game! I am NOT!!!" I would just say ok and keep on hooking him up. Half way through the protocol he was smiling and saying, "Mommy, I looooooooooove you!" This protocol literally made him happy and nice to be around. Who wouldn't want that!? Mr. Screech is also a nighttime thrasher, grunter, and screamer. His sleep has calmed significantly with NF!
Mr. Happy: Living in such a fog, I would tell him to get his shoes and point near his feet, Mr. Happy would look around and could not process what I was saying. Of course, I got frustrated, so then the more I got frustrated the more he shut down and could not process what I was saying. It was hopeless most days getting him to follow simple instructions. Running NF has taken him out of the fog and he is able to process and understand what we say. In lifting the fog, it has brought out more defiant behaviors, but I would rather that than living in the fog and never dealing with his emotional issues until later when it would be be more challenging. He is passive aggressive and a subtle "stick poker."
Every time I see someone post about behaviors of their kids and how miserable the parents are with the behaviors I want to scream NEUROFEEDBACK from the rooftops. So, if you are one of those parents I beg of you to check it out. Not only for your sanity, but for the healing of your child.
You can watch videos here, see frequently asked questions here and find a provider here and here. If there is not a provider in your area, purchase a home unit and do it yourself. There are experts who will train you and monitor your sessions and give you protocols based on your child's needs.
If you are interested in a home use unit you can contact Ellen at EEG Spectrum and she will help you locate a professional to help you. Her number is 818-789-3456 ext. 822 or her email is evash (at) eegspectrum (dot) com . Please mention this blog post for reference.
This site lists what neurofeedback can treat:
- Severe anxiety
- Panic attacks
- Addiction
- Attention Deficit (ADD/ADHD)
- Autism
- Chronic Fatigue
- Chronic Pain
- Conduct Disorder
- Depression
- Epilepsy
- Learning Disability
- Migraines
- Peak Performance
- Post Traumatic Stress
- Sleep Disorders
- Tourette Syndrome
- Traumatic Brain Injury
Over time NF does change the brain for the better. Recently, my boys were off NF for a long stretch of time and they were fine. All the other times I have skipped a session I would start having panic attacks, because of their behavior, and RUN to the NF machine so we could have some peace and calm in our home.
An attachment therapist is needed when doing NF. Using NF can bring up feelings in your child and they will need help processing and working through them. If your therapist has never heard of NF send them this blog post and ask them to research. I believe this could be key to healing our children.
DISCLAIMER: I was not paid by anyone for this blog post. I am not an expert on neurofeedback. I am just a mom-in-the-trenches with three special needs children and I have seen the benefits in our home. If I put something incorrect in this post, I apologize.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
All by myself...
Today, was my first day parenting all by myself since the end of February when my mom got sick, going to Orlando, and my mom passing away. Guess what? I survived and did great!
Today, I dug deep and decided to not invest all of my energy in Mr. Screech who is my vocal RAD-ling.
Today, I paid attention to the body language of my other two and took time for them. Mr. Screech had to wait and it felt good to help my other two through their emotions.
The morning started with a bang! Mr. Screech is still REFUSING to step foot in our bedroom in the morning and we don't push it. I could hear him causing a ruckus so I called him to me. Of course, he pitched a fit. I found out he was asking Mr. Stinky if he could watch TV (because he refuses to come ask me) and Mr. Stinky told him, "No." He knows he doesn't have the authority on that. I informed Mr. Screech that his brother is not his mama and that is not appropriate.
Overall, our day was good up until 5pm. I'm not sure what exactly was going on, but the boys were on the trampoline and had an outburst. I called Mr. Screech to come talk to me and since I had him come in the house he went into a tailspin. Instead of letting him destroy the house I took it to "couch time" with mom.
Typically, it doesn't take him long before he talks about his feelings and settles down. Today, after 30 minutes we were getting no where so I had him get down. I could not let him go back outside and felt he needed to be glued to my side, so he cleaned the living room. Ah, a win-win situationfor mama for sure.
Instead if telling him to "clean the living room" I break it down by things. (books, blocks, etc) We have a train table and everything that was on that table he kept telling me he could not see. Hello stick poking! When I set the plates out for dinner he kicked it in high gear and picked up everything. The living room looked great when he was done.
After dinner, Mr. Stinky thought it was his turn to be nasty. Instead of using his words, he was grunting and making obnoxious noises. I asked him to use his words and he refused so I suggested he have some "couch time" with me. Surprisingly, he agreed. When I walked into the living room he said, "You will have to chase me first." Um, no. I walked back onto the kitchen and kept on with the dishes. He finally said he was ready, but I made it on my terms and finished the dishes.
In our couch time, he started crying because he really wants to play with Mr. Screech, but Mr. Screech will not play nice. Everything has to be Mr. Screech's way and he will not listen to anyone around him. I had Mr. Stinky talk to Mr. Screech about this and it was really good. Mr. Stinky started crying, so I coached Mr. Screech to hug him and love on him. We agreed tomorrow is another day to practice. I think I will be getting out the M&M's and reward the one who handles the situation correctly. It worked in the past.
Today, I dug deep and decided to not invest all of my energy in Mr. Screech who is my vocal RAD-ling.
Today, I paid attention to the body language of my other two and took time for them. Mr. Screech had to wait and it felt good to help my other two through their emotions.
The morning started with a bang! Mr. Screech is still REFUSING to step foot in our bedroom in the morning and we don't push it. I could hear him causing a ruckus so I called him to me. Of course, he pitched a fit. I found out he was asking Mr. Stinky if he could watch TV (because he refuses to come ask me) and Mr. Stinky told him, "No." He knows he doesn't have the authority on that. I informed Mr. Screech that his brother is not his mama and that is not appropriate.
Overall, our day was good up until 5pm. I'm not sure what exactly was going on, but the boys were on the trampoline and had an outburst. I called Mr. Screech to come talk to me and since I had him come in the house he went into a tailspin. Instead of letting him destroy the house I took it to "couch time" with mom.
Typically, it doesn't take him long before he talks about his feelings and settles down. Today, after 30 minutes we were getting no where so I had him get down. I could not let him go back outside and felt he needed to be glued to my side, so he cleaned the living room. Ah, a win-win situation
Instead if telling him to "clean the living room" I break it down by things. (books, blocks, etc) We have a train table and everything that was on that table he kept telling me he could not see. Hello stick poking! When I set the plates out for dinner he kicked it in high gear and picked up everything. The living room looked great when he was done.
After dinner, Mr. Stinky thought it was his turn to be nasty. Instead of using his words, he was grunting and making obnoxious noises. I asked him to use his words and he refused so I suggested he have some "couch time" with me. Surprisingly, he agreed. When I walked into the living room he said, "You will have to chase me first." Um, no. I walked back onto the kitchen and kept on with the dishes. He finally said he was ready, but I made it on my terms and finished the dishes.
In our couch time, he started crying because he really wants to play with Mr. Screech, but Mr. Screech will not play nice. Everything has to be Mr. Screech's way and he will not listen to anyone around him. I had Mr. Stinky talk to Mr. Screech about this and it was really good. Mr. Stinky started crying, so I coached Mr. Screech to hug him and love on him. We agreed tomorrow is another day to practice. I think I will be getting out the M&M's and reward the one who handles the situation correctly. It worked in the past.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
I am still here.
Thank you everyone for your kind words and prayers when my mom passed away. I am so grateful to have so many wonderful friends and new friends that I met in Orlando to support me. Omom's your blogs help me not to feel alone.
Day to day I am fine, but the grief hits here and there and I can't stop crying. It hits me the hardest when I talk to my dad and I know how lonely he is. I have my kids to distract me, but he goes home to an empty house every day.
I feel like I have been fighting depression and it settles like a gentle fog over me. I have been taking my vitamins and herbs for and working out at the YMCA and they help. I'm slowly getting back into the family routine.
My boys are doing ok, but I worry they are not releasing their grief. Their behavior has been so good and that is WEIRD! I know, only a mama of trauma would say that right?
Mr. Stinky cried the morning she died, but has not cried since. He has had some angry outbursts directed at his brothers, but I have to say it was appropriate since they were bugging him.
Mr. Happy has been extra happy through it all. I know that is a sign of trouble.
Today, I asked him to get the laundry out of the dryer and he decided to do a little stick poking.
Mr. Happy: Do you want all the laundry out?
Me: What do you think?
Mr. Happy: Yes
Me: Ok
Mr. Happy came with 1/2 a basket full
Mr. Happy: Is this enough mommy?
Me: Did you get it all?
Mr. Happy: No
Me: Then it is not enough. (My head wanted to rotate at this point.)
This prompted an all out super-infant crying session from Mr. Happy. The Mr. picked him up and held him and validated his feelings. Wow, The Mr. is good! He validated that Mr. Happy was upset I had been gone for 3 weeks, sad about grandma, and mad mama was having him do work. When Mr. Happy got down he was like a different kid.
Mr. Screech had a moment of deep wrenching sobs over a toy, the day mom passed, so I helped him recognize those feelings were really about grandma. Overall, his behavior has been great with very minor things here and there. Very very weird since he loves to tantrum and be overly defiant.
Stay tuned for more ramblings from this trauma mama.
Day to day I am fine, but the grief hits here and there and I can't stop crying. It hits me the hardest when I talk to my dad and I know how lonely he is. I have my kids to distract me, but he goes home to an empty house every day.
I feel like I have been fighting depression and it settles like a gentle fog over me. I have been taking my vitamins and herbs for and working out at the YMCA and they help. I'm slowly getting back into the family routine.
My boys are doing ok, but I worry they are not releasing their grief. Their behavior has been so good and that is WEIRD! I know, only a mama of trauma would say that right?
Mr. Stinky cried the morning she died, but has not cried since. He has had some angry outbursts directed at his brothers, but I have to say it was appropriate since they were bugging him.
Mr. Happy has been extra happy through it all. I know that is a sign of trouble.
Today, I asked him to get the laundry out of the dryer and he decided to do a little stick poking.
Mr. Happy: Do you want all the laundry out?
Me: What do you think?
Mr. Happy: Yes
Me: Ok
Mr. Happy came with 1/2 a basket full
Mr. Happy: Is this enough mommy?
Me: Did you get it all?
Mr. Happy: No
Me: Then it is not enough. (My head wanted to rotate at this point.)
This prompted an all out super-infant crying session from Mr. Happy. The Mr. picked him up and held him and validated his feelings. Wow, The Mr. is good! He validated that Mr. Happy was upset I had been gone for 3 weeks, sad about grandma, and mad mama was having him do work. When Mr. Happy got down he was like a different kid.
Mr. Screech had a moment of deep wrenching sobs over a toy, the day mom passed, so I helped him recognize those feelings were really about grandma. Overall, his behavior has been great with very minor things here and there. Very very weird since he loves to tantrum and be overly defiant.
Stay tuned for more ramblings from this trauma mama.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I'm going!
I have been in such turmoil over whether to go to Orlando or not and I have been praying for God to give me a clear cut sign so I would know. Yesterday, I talked to my dad about it and it was such a relief when he told me I needed to go. He specifically said, "God would want you to go because we all need a break sometimes." Peace just came over me and I knew it was ok.
I am at my parents hanging out with my mom and this could be the last time I see her awake and that breaks my heart. It is really hard for me to let go and let others care for her, but I know she will be in good hands with my family. It has been a long stressful year with her diagnosis of cancer, but I would not trade a minute of it of the extra time I got to spend with her.
Today, I talked to Mr. Stinky because I know he is holding his emotions in over this. I said, "I knew you are having a hard time and it is ok talk about it." He said, It is hard when I see you crying while you're driving or talking on the phone." That made me start crying again. He reached out and gave me the sweetest hug and then I cried on his shoulder for a bit. I told him, "Thank you for lending your shoulder because now I feel so much better."
Before I left this afternoon, I gave the boys pictures of me with them to put in their photo albums and I included a picture of them with their grandma. They were so excited.
When I was saying, "Good bye" on the porch and giving hugs and kisses Mr. Stinky was holding back the tears and was suddenly so interested in a dead worm. Hello coping skills!
I am getting on a plane in less than 12 hours and I am nervous and excited.
I am at my parents hanging out with my mom and this could be the last time I see her awake and that breaks my heart. It is really hard for me to let go and let others care for her, but I know she will be in good hands with my family. It has been a long stressful year with her diagnosis of cancer, but I would not trade a minute of it of the extra time I got to spend with her.
Today, I talked to Mr. Stinky because I know he is holding his emotions in over this. I said, "I knew you are having a hard time and it is ok talk about it." He said, It is hard when I see you crying while you're driving or talking on the phone." That made me start crying again. He reached out and gave me the sweetest hug and then I cried on his shoulder for a bit. I told him, "Thank you for lending your shoulder because now I feel so much better."
Before I left this afternoon, I gave the boys pictures of me with them to put in their photo albums and I included a picture of them with their grandma. They were so excited.
When I was saying, "Good bye" on the porch and giving hugs and kisses Mr. Stinky was holding back the tears and was suddenly so interested in a dead worm. Hello coping skills!
I am getting on a plane in less than 12 hours and I am nervous and excited.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Photo Albums-The Story of Mom's Trip
Yesterday, I gave the boys their own photo album that tells the story of what I'll be doing in Orlando. I put a picture of an airplane and then the photos of the house I'll be staying in.
I found calenders online, and they print small, so I pasted them inside the front cover of the album and highlighted in pink the days I would be gone. The boys are crossing off the days until I leave and then they will be able to cross off the days while I"m gone so they will know exactly when I come back.
While I explained it all to them, I fed them M&M's and Crunch N Munch with good eye contact. It helps to give something sweet when you are telling them something they see as "bad". It's all in retraining the brain.
So far, their are no tantrums and they keep getting the albums down and asking questions. Mr. Screech who has the most anxiety keeps asking the same questions, but I'll take that over a tantrum.
The day before I leave, I will fill the remainder of the albums with pictures of me with each boy. Our therapist, Arleta James, said they do better if you find something to give them and say, "Please hang on to this for mommy until I get back." I am still trying to figure out what that will be. Maybe a t-shirt or something?
I found calenders online, and they print small, so I pasted them inside the front cover of the album and highlighted in pink the days I would be gone. The boys are crossing off the days until I leave and then they will be able to cross off the days while I"m gone so they will know exactly when I come back.
While I explained it all to them, I fed them M&M's and Crunch N Munch with good eye contact. It helps to give something sweet when you are telling them something they see as "bad". It's all in retraining the brain.
So far, their are no tantrums and they keep getting the albums down and asking questions. Mr. Screech who has the most anxiety keeps asking the same questions, but I'll take that over a tantrum.
The day before I leave, I will fill the remainder of the albums with pictures of me with each boy. Our therapist, Arleta James, said they do better if you find something to give them and say, "Please hang on to this for mommy until I get back." I am still trying to figure out what that will be. Maybe a t-shirt or something?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
M&M's
Over the weekend The Mr. brought out the M&M's and it is helping to whip our kiddos back into shape. Sometimes, instead of consequence after consequence they just need a little reward in their mouth.
The Mr. was helping me by doing school with the boys and we do a lot of reading with discussion questions. He wanted the kids to respond so he started giving M&M's for answering questions. It worked great and all three boys were involved.
I have had it up to my eye balls with the constant bickering and hitting between the boys. This morning I started rewarding the child who handled the problem correctly. Believe it or not it was Mr. Screech getting all the M&M's!
Normally, I have to set the timer for Mr.Screech and Mr. Happy to take turns with an electronic game. I noticed they were giving each other turns without the timer so I went and gave them M&M's and said, "You are taking turns without the timer like family boys. Nice!"
I was working on school in the basement with Mr. Stinky and was really impressed that the little ones were playing well upstairs. When I came upstairs, every board game/dominoes/ etc was out and the living room was a disaster. It is amazing what 4-year-olds can do in an hour. I had them clean up and started giving out M&M's as they completed each task.
Then we moved on to folding washcloths and Mr. Screech decided to start having meltdowns so I started giving myself some of his M&M's. He lost 3 out of 5 because of it and was so sad. I guess he will know what to do next time.
Today, was the nicest day we have had in weeks. Instead of the boys screaming, yelling and hitting each other in rages there was more helping, hugs and good playing. They had smiles on their faces and there were belly laughs going on. It was a GOOD day!!!
The Mr. was helping me by doing school with the boys and we do a lot of reading with discussion questions. He wanted the kids to respond so he started giving M&M's for answering questions. It worked great and all three boys were involved.
I have had it up to my eye balls with the constant bickering and hitting between the boys. This morning I started rewarding the child who handled the problem correctly. Believe it or not it was Mr. Screech getting all the M&M's!
Normally, I have to set the timer for Mr.Screech and Mr. Happy to take turns with an electronic game. I noticed they were giving each other turns without the timer so I went and gave them M&M's and said, "You are taking turns without the timer like family boys. Nice!"
I was working on school in the basement with Mr. Stinky and was really impressed that the little ones were playing well upstairs. When I came upstairs, every board game/dominoes/ etc was out and the living room was a disaster. It is amazing what 4-year-olds can do in an hour. I had them clean up and started giving out M&M's as they completed each task.
Then we moved on to folding washcloths and Mr. Screech decided to start having meltdowns so I started giving myself some of his M&M's. He lost 3 out of 5 because of it and was so sad. I guess he will know what to do next time.
Today, was the nicest day we have had in weeks. Instead of the boys screaming, yelling and hitting each other in rages there was more helping, hugs and good playing. They had smiles on their faces and there were belly laughs going on. It was a GOOD day!!!
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