Friday, May 6, 2011

Can we just erase Mother's Day from the calender?

Yesterday, was a not so cool day with my vocal RADish (Mr. Screech). It was our second day in a row of being gone all day. Apparently, I did not get the memo we can not do that.

He did good up until 1pm when we were at the library. He was playing cars with Mr. Happy and decided to to hog all the cars. It just went downhill from there so I tried to get us out of there as quick as possible. Remembering what some of the Orlando mom's recommended I pulled the "Autism" card. Since Mr. Screech does some autistic-like behaviors it fits. I looked at the librarian and said, "Sorry, we are having a little autism meltdown." She helped carry my books to check out and then helped me get all three boys to the car. People know what autism is so they are sympathetic.

Next stop was the park to get some energy out. Mr. Screech is insisting all day he is a 1-year-old so I had him play on the toddler set while his brothers got to play on the bigger set.

Mr. Stinky had a soccer game so we grabbed some food and headed to the soccer field. Mr. Screech decided he was going to go ODD on me while we were eating. He wasn't going to sit where I told him to. It had to be exactly anywhere but there.

I was praying we would make it through the soccer game, but no go. I had already prepped Mr. Stinky if I wasn't sitting there to just come to the van. Mr. Happy had been digging in the mud on the hillside and found a worm. Mr. Screech wanted to see it so he started shoving and almost made Mr. Happy go down the hill. It is kinda steep and there are a bunch of weeds at the bottom.

I went and got Mr. Screech and sat him on my lap and kinda put him in a hold. I had my arms in a lose circle around him and was trying to talk, but he was hell bent on tantruming. I heard someone say, "Well, she brought it on herself." I don't know if they were accusing me of making his tantrum start (that's what my in-laws do) or of they were talking about someone else.

I asked the lady next to me to help me get my chair back in the bag as I hung on to Mr. Screech. So then I got to walk back to the car with 2 chairs and a raging child. I was amazed at how many people turned around and watched me walk, but no one offered to help me. Not even when it was clear I was having a hard time holding my son and almost dropped him.

I took him to the van and strapped him into his car seat, it is a 5-point harness, and let him rage. This time he unbuckled the car seat from the seat and looked like a turtle. It was almost comical, but he raged for 45 minutes at the field.

When our kids are raging we coach them to talk about their feelings instead of raging. Say, "I am mad! or I am sad. etc" In the past few weeks he was raged and then cried about missing Grandma so today while he was raging he took it to a fake cry saying he missed Grandma. When I didn't get him out of his seat he would rage again. This is the first time I have noticed manipulation with Grandma attached.

When we got home they all put their PJ's on and I tucked him in bed. His brothers got to go have ice cream.

When they were all in bed I collapsed on the couch and wondered what in the heck had happened to make him so crazy. Then I remembered, when they were in childcare at the Y they made hand prints on a paper plate for Mother's Day. I guess that was the major trigger as well as his dad being out of town and still dealing with Grandma passing away. Suck!

I remember a conversation I had with our therapist last year and she said Mother's Day weekend is the worst for the kids. The office is closed early so they can be on the phone with parents and it is also the holiday with the most hospitalizations. I know my other trauma mama's are going through it right now so I am praying. My son's tantrums are nothing compared to what they are going through.

On top of my kids triggers I'm dreading my first Mother's Day without my mom. Double suck!

On a happier note, we are going to see our therapist June 3rd. We have not been since September so we are WAY over due. Her office is my happy place so I can't wait.


Tasha Lehman said...

I know your first Mother's Day without your Mom will be hard. I'll be thinking about you! Hope you all get through the day with as much grace as you need!

Lindsay Mama to Nine said...

I hope you survived today..I am sure with your already tender heart missing your make the "stuff" your kids toos out at you even harder to cope with, Hang in are inmy thoughts.