This is HOPE!

If you are feeling down about your RADlings today jump over to Marty's blog and check out her post Words from a changed RAD child.

Tomorrow is another day and I will press on and not give up.

Orlando Pre-Registration

Last night at midnight I pre-registered for Orlando!!!

If you have not been to Corey's Retreat get ready because registration will be starting for you Wednesday!

Doing the happy dance, happy dance!

Oppositional defiance at it's best.

Here is one example of how my ENTIRE day has been with Mr. Screech:

All three boys were playing in our kiddie pool and after trying to mediate I finally made Mr. Stinky and Mr. Screech get out because they were doing everything in their power to make the other mad.

When they came in to change their clothes, I noticed Mr. Screech had mud on him so I told him to jump in the tub and he screamed and cried and told me it makes him too cold so he WILL NO get in the tub. Mr. Stinky asked if he could get in and of course I said, "Yes."

Now Mr. Screech is in a tailspin because I gave him a towel and told him to get dressed. NOW he wants in the tub, but he can wait until bath time tonight. I'm exhausted. Is it 7pm yet?

Passive-Aggressive. It's what's for breakfast!

We had a wonderful day at the beach with Orlando SOUL Sisters Kathie and Heather. They also brought friends so it was just a good day of women chatting and kiddos all over the place. There is something about being with a SOUL Sister that is just uplifting and encouraging.

As we were walking up the beach, to have dinner at a hotel, Mr. Screech lost it and would not stop screaming. I knew it was a hunger meltdown so I tried to calm him and get him something to eat. Finally.This morning he woke a little grumpy, but it passed quickly.

Mr. Happy has decided to be very passive aggressive and he has recently had a session of neurofeedback so I know his brain is working well. I made a big breakfast of sausage, eggs, apples and cinnamon rolls. I waited to give them the cinnamon rolls until after they had eaten everything else and Mr. Stinky and Mr. Screech both asked nicely for theirs. Mr. Happy decided he couldn't remember what they are called so he didn't get one. Realize we had been talking about them all morning so he KNOWS what they are called.

When brushing his teeth he asked me to put toothpaste on his brush and I said, "I'll be there in a minute." When I walked in he was doing it himself and eating it so I took it off his brush and told him he couldn't have any because he didn't wait for mommy and we don't eat toothpaste. He was trying to replace his cinnamon roll treat with toothpaste because it is the sweet kids kind. Uh, no!

On vacation and counting down to therapy.

We came to Florida on vacation last week and have really been having a good time RAD and all. We were only supposed to stay a week, but The Mr. got called out of town on business so I decided to stay another week with the kids. Sunny Florida sure beats being cooped up in the house because of rain and tornadoes back home.

The best part is getting to meet up with some Orlando SOUL sisters! Spent Friday at the beach with "G" and her family and it was nice to be with someone who "gets it." Tomorrow, I'm meeting with "K" and can't wait for more SOUL Sister time! I wish more of you were here.

We have 8 days until we trek to Cleveland to see our therapist and it really can't come soon enough. We have not been to see her since September so we are LONG overdue.

Mr. Screech is in full out RAD behavior.
*Everything is about him
*The world is out to get him. Always worried when his brothers get near his toys.
*He is oppositional defiant about EVERYTHING!
*He is manipulating the crap out of my friends, who he doesn't know that well.
*He is obsessing about things like missing my mom and our cat. Um, my mom I get. Our cat hides until the boys are in bed, so they don't get to play with him. Ever. What is there to miss?

We are vacationing at our friends house and yesterday, while sitting on the couch with our friend M, he told M he loved him about every 15 minutes for about 4 hours. Today, M was at work and Mr. Screech was sitting on the couch and said, "I love you M." I had a little chat with him that it was not appropriate because M is not his papa and furthermore M was not even home! Seriously!

My sister is vacationing at a nearby beach so we met her and her friend there. It was so nice to have 3 adults with 3 kids who demand attention. First off, they played with my kids in the ocean so I could just have a minute to breathe. I sat in my chair, lay my head back and just listened to the waves crash. So relaxing! At sunset all the baby stingrays came right up and we could watch them feed on the fish. It was creepy because I was IN the ocean, but so incredibly awesome once my feet were out and I could watch them.

At dinner each adult had a kid next to them and I had Mr. Stinky who is not so demanding. By the time I got done taking pictures everyone had their food in place and I didn't have to meet the demands of three kids. I almost didn't know what to do with myself so I started eating.

I had to bite my tongue all day to not nitpick my kids, but when Mr. Screech was sitting next to my sister, and then gets out of his chair so he can eat standing and leaning into her lap, and food, I had to put a stop to it. He was demanding and manipulative of her all day. I was not going to let him ruin her dinner. Geez.

Mr. Happy is very passive-aggressive-defiant. It is so weird and I just don't know how to deal with it. He has a lot of anger he needs to get out and I can't wait for our therapist to work with him, and us, to help let it out. I really need some parenting tools for this child!

Mr. Stinky is just missing his grandma, but not talking about it. We've gotta fix that in a hurry!

Come on 8 days! I am ready!

Check out this fundraiser

If you want to help an orphan find a forever family, and possibly win a camera, hop over to my friend Courtney's blog for the details. I love it when these posts go viral and another baby gets to come home.

Are you ready for Orlando?!

Wondering what "Orlando" is? It is an Early Trauma and Attachment Annual Meeting  (aka a mom's retreat) and you can hop over to Corey's blog and check out the details.

What I can tell you from my experience, is that it is a glorious weekend of relaxing and chatting with women who "get it." You don't have to wipe snotty noses, or butts, (except your own cause I'm not doing it for ya.) and you don't have to deal with taking care of anyone else but yourself.

I had some first's this year on my trip and that was cool.
I had an alcoholic beverage with my breakfast, in the airport, because I could and it was damn good.
I ran/walked my first 5k.
I hula hooped and got it to stay up on my waist for the first time ever!
I stood in a room and talked to moms openly knowing I was NOT being judged.
I was able to share our families therapeutic parenting experiences/advice and moms actually listened instead of telling my they didn't have those problems with their kids. (Because you know they're perfect angels. *gag*puke*)

And let me tell you about the hugs in Orlando. They are so awesome and amazing and I can't WAIT to get back there and have another or several more. They are not fake, but full of "I get it", and "I know what you are going through." Let me tell ya ladies, THAT is a hug that a trauma mama doesn't forget!  Gee, did I make myself sound like a weirdo over a hug? Oh well, if you are a mother of trauma you'll get that.

If you parent trauma, and think you are at an ok place and don't really need a break, you might want to reconsider. I felt the same way because my kids were in a good place and my mom was on her death bed and I almost didn't go. I am so glad I did because with my mom gone these women are a HUGE support network. Some have even lost their moms and it is comforting to know I am not alone with that too.

Mother's Day

We spent Mother's Day at my sister's and decided it was a non-Mother's Day get together since it is our first Mother's Day without mom. It was nice to hang out with family and I made my mom's Chicken Tortilla Casserole. She made it a lot when we were growing up so it is a comfort food for us.

My dad came and he looked so sad and worn out. Since mom isn't around to love on him he gets lots of hugs from us. We were both sitting on the couch and he laid his head back to sleep and put the back of his hand against my leg. He said he just needed to touch me while he slept. As human's we all need touch and my parents here big on hugs and kisses. He breaks my heart.

The day after Mother's Day was so hard for me. I cried all day and my kids went a little bonkers. Our therapist said the boys would have a hard time at the holidays because they would notice mom not there. So true, so we cried together all day and talked about her.

Thank you YMCA for all the Mother's Day trauma.

Went and worked out at the Y and when I picked the boys up from childcare Mr. Stinky said, "I drew a picture for you, but you are going to have to wait till Mother's Day to see it." Outwardly I said, "That's wonderful honey." and inside I was screaming %$#&^%!!!!!

Sure enough, we got home and he lost it in the front yard. The cool part was I could get a hold of him pretty quickly and have him talk through those feelings and his aggression stopped. For the rest of the day he was kind and helpful towards me.

The front lawn episode happened about 1pm and my 6pm he came out of his room all excited and told me he had homemade confetti ready to rain down on me in the morning when he presented me with his picture.

I can't wait for our therapist to challenge him further in his healing in June.

Can we just erase Mother's Day from the calender?

Yesterday, was a not so cool day with my vocal RADish (Mr. Screech). It was our second day in a row of being gone all day. Apparently, I did not get the memo we can not do that.

He did good up until 1pm when we were at the library. He was playing cars with Mr. Happy and decided to to hog all the cars. It just went downhill from there so I tried to get us out of there as quick as possible. Remembering what some of the Orlando mom's recommended I pulled the "Autism" card. Since Mr. Screech does some autistic-like behaviors it fits. I looked at the librarian and said, "Sorry, we are having a little autism meltdown." She helped carry my books to check out and then helped me get all three boys to the car. People know what autism is so they are sympathetic.

Next stop was the park to get some energy out. Mr. Screech is insisting all day he is a 1-year-old so I had him play on the toddler set while his brothers got to play on the bigger set.

Mr. Stinky had a soccer game so we grabbed some food and headed to the soccer field. Mr. Screech decided he was going to go ODD on me while we were eating. He wasn't going to sit where I told him to. It had to be exactly anywhere but there.

I was praying we would make it through the soccer game, but no go. I had already prepped Mr. Stinky if I wasn't sitting there to just come to the van. Mr. Happy had been digging in the mud on the hillside and found a worm. Mr. Screech wanted to see it so he started shoving and almost made Mr. Happy go down the hill. It is kinda steep and there are a bunch of weeds at the bottom.

I went and got Mr. Screech and sat him on my lap and kinda put him in a hold. I had my arms in a lose circle around him and was trying to talk, but he was hell bent on tantruming. I heard someone say, "Well, she brought it on herself." I don't know if they were accusing me of making his tantrum start (that's what my in-laws do) or of they were talking about someone else.

I asked the lady next to me to help me get my chair back in the bag as I hung on to Mr. Screech. So then I got to walk back to the car with 2 chairs and a raging child. I was amazed at how many people turned around and watched me walk, but no one offered to help me. Not even when it was clear I was having a hard time holding my son and almost dropped him.

I took him to the van and strapped him into his car seat, it is a 5-point harness, and let him rage. This time he unbuckled the car seat from the seat and looked like a turtle. It was almost comical, but he raged for 45 minutes at the field.

When our kids are raging we coach them to talk about their feelings instead of raging. Say, "I am mad! or I am sad. etc" In the past few weeks he was raged and then cried about missing Grandma so today while he was raging he took it to a fake cry saying he missed Grandma. When I didn't get him out of his seat he would rage again. This is the first time I have noticed manipulation with Grandma attached.

When we got home they all put their PJ's on and I tucked him in bed. His brothers got to go have ice cream.

When they were all in bed I collapsed on the couch and wondered what in the heck had happened to make him so crazy. Then I remembered, when they were in childcare at the Y they made hand prints on a paper plate for Mother's Day. I guess that was the major trigger as well as his dad being out of town and still dealing with Grandma passing away. Suck!

I remember a conversation I had with our therapist last year and she said Mother's Day weekend is the worst for the kids. The office is closed early so they can be on the phone with parents and it is also the holiday with the most hospitalizations. I know my other trauma mama's are going through it right now so I am praying. My son's tantrums are nothing compared to what they are going through.

On top of my kids triggers I'm dreading my first Mother's Day without my mom. Double suck!

On a happier note, we are going to see our therapist June 3rd. We have not been since September so we are WAY over due. Her office is my happy place so I can't wait.