Molly wrote: "So basically when the boys start to tantrum, you get excited about their fit and they stop? I must try this with 6 yr old. I am tired of the fits and tantrums."
Yes, we either invite the tantrum before it happens or we get excited when we see it starting.
For example, when we see it start we say, "Oh goody!! A tantrum! I was hoping you would do one today!" The tone of the voice is happy and joyful. It will not work if you are sarcastic, but be ready because sometimes they choose to throw a fit anyways.
If we are running a few errands I will ask, "Do you want to throw your tantrum today at the library or Meijer?" Typically, we are tantrum free.
When our children tantrum at home they make it a point to try and destroy things. If I yell at them to stop they see the "thing" as precious to me so they will continue to destroy it or next tantrum it is what they will go to.
What stops my kids in their tracks is saying, "Well, if you really want to spend all your money on a new (couch, tv, etc) go ahead and break it. I bet you would have to do a lot of chores to pay for that." The tone is empathic/sad. If you use a snarky tone they will not stop. Literally, think about how SAD it will be for your kids to have to do so many chores and miss out on playing.
Here is a great post from our therapist that has more ideas for managing the meltdowns:
Managing Your Adoptee's Meltdowns in Public and at Home